Confused thoughts.

How many times I heard from people I shared my situation "It's gonna be a tough time?"
I can't tell.

I knew that.

It's obvious when your mother is diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and you're aware there's very little you can do.
Once again in my life, I found myself between my needs and someone else needs.
I grew up with the concept that Family comes always first. No matters how many disguises, no matters how many arguments, no matters how many disappointments.

I got just one Mum and despite any past musinderstanding, she is my Mamy.

So, I quit my job, I went through a lot of issues and troubles to get a one way ticket for me and Lolly, I put on hold all my projects and I came here, in the south of Italy, where you can barely see the thin line between the 1st and the 3rd world, to be with her, to help her whenever she needs my help.

Not easy at all, of course. Even in cases like this, life tends to be hard anyway.

My brother is of no help. He decided that she'll be fine.

In the era of internet, he still refuses to understand what pathology we're talking about.

"Mum will be fine" he says.

He criticised my decision of coming here suggesting me to travel more often, me that I have to take 3 flights to come here, while he can just get here with one and 50 mins trip.

However, I'm here for about one month already and he hasn't found the time to visit one weekend either.

I really didn't care about his visit if it wasn't that he's my Mum's pupil, her love, like I use to joke, but it's not that joke in the end.

He's always been the favourite and no matters if she's surrounded by people who love her, she will always miss that ONE (me bro) she loves with all her heart. 

And... as everybody's so in love with someone, she always try to justify his lacks, even his absence.

He's busy, poor lad. He's working, good man.

I gave up on being noted, so it's normal if my sacrifices are not highlighted.

What I really care now it's that that selfish, ignorant, prick of me brother moves his arse here to spend time with her because the only thing I want to see is a smile on her face.
and I really hope he's going to do it as soon as possible because if he waits more, he will be forced to come here only for her funeral and at that point he can even stay at home cos his presence will be so useless that nobody will want to see his face anymore.
Rant of the night over.