Finally.

In the end tonight I got the call I was waiting for.

My brother finally decided to come here to visit Mum.

Better late than ever.

Back to the start.

So.. after two months together I find myself into the old pattern of my whole life.

My loved mother today told me that we're incompatible.

It's weird, hard and painful.

I've always seen her as my twin, we've even born on the almost same day.

When I was a child and she was away, I was used to sleep with one of her jumpers just to feel her smell.

But she never accepted me because I'm a female and because I'm not her clone. She has never been able to accept that I can have my own personality and that I can think differently from her.

Now she's dying, I'm craving her love, her kindness, a good time together.

I find constantly an obstacle from her, who's looking always for a fight, a polemic, an argument.

How can explain her that this is the last time we've got to spend together, that we must enjoy it instead of wasting it with futile controversy?

She's pushing me away again, like I'm stealing her the scene but I'm not. I don't really care.

Hey, that's me! The one who's keeping a low profile and doesn't like publicity.

The anti-social one, scared of any relationship with the world.

Keep the scene, I just want your love.

Whatever is the reason why you don't like me (competition, envy, etc.) without you, I'm going to lose my best friend and I won't have anymore that person I'm used to share what's going on in my life.

Can you just forgive me for being me and not my brother?

Love you, despite all.

Let me be on your side, that's all I ask for.

I was wrong.

I remember I was waiting for this 2014 as much as I wanted to have my previous issues sorted.

I didn't expect to fix the (at the time) current trouble to find myself in other bad situations.

I remember at the beginning of this year, I've been told it wasn't a good one. I didn't understand why.

I didn't until I lost my uncle on the 16th of February, my closest Wicklow friend on the 5th of August and now I'm going to lose my mother.

It doesn't matter that I have finally been able to get rid of my ex (a really negative and dangerous presence in and for my life), this 2014 has taken away from me loads.

I can't find words to describe my pain. Not a moment of peace.

And I'm still in the middle of one of the worst time of my life.

So...

Goodbye Aldo, sweet and funny uncle, so similar to me.

Goodbye Alistair, great fiend and person, will miss your strength, your laugh and your Scottish accent forever. You taught me so many things you can't imagine.

Byebye to my last ex, who, until the very last minute, created me stress and troubles. If there's a hell, I hope you'll burn there forever. Slowly, of course.

I have just to thank all my friends, my auntie and my cousin to be so supportive. You give me the strength to go on.

And thank you Jay, for saying the right thing at the right time all the time.