Open eyes.

Today I woke up with a new awareness.
Used to blame others like I was always paying for someone else mistakes, I realized that with a bit more effort from me, I could have changed several things. 

Like.
If I raised myself when I was young, instead of attending schools I didn't like just to please my parents, today I'd have a degree in Languages or IT. Same for jobs.

If I've chosen wisely my partners, I never regretted my past relationships. Same for friendships.

And so go on.

Now, when I stop blaming myself for that, it's never too late to repair. Maybe it is for a degree, but I can still sort the rest.

Ally McBeal.

I remember the first time I saw an episode of Ally McBeal I was in a B&B/Motel/whatever ran by chinese people, in the middle of nothing around Milan. At least, I think it was Milan's province...
Anyway, it was the 5th season where Jon Bon Jovi was the plumber every girl is dreaming of.

I remember my comments about him and the jealousy on my Ex's face, he was so bloody cute! I didn't mean that, promise. But I liked it till the deep of me heart.
Anyway, what I liked of Ally for first was the way of writers to portray her feelings, it was so me. 

Like when you get upset and you're already figuring out how to kill the responsible, or how you'd want to tear your hair from your head or throwing everything out of the window, or hitting your head on the wall (the only thing stops me is my respect for neighbours), or cutting yourself like Marilyn Manson. You don't really do it but, hell, if you want to.

So, apart the urge to get married when hit 30yo and having a bunch of children, I always felt like Ally.

Pretty frustrating, huh?

But I guess I'm just human.

Just... unfair.

Can't sleep, too many thoughts going around my mind. 

I always try to ignore sad events because I'm too sensitive and often I just can't face them.

Writing down has always been my way to fight my monsters. It's just that sometimes you can't write everything, unless you have a diary (which I have but I'm too lazy to write in it that often) and you know you're the only one reading it.

Pip has been killed by the dog next door, or better, next backyard. I cried my tears out even if she wasn't my cat. When Christina told me the image of the first time I met Pip, she rubbing her nose on mine, didn't want to leave me.

Pip died just two days before the fourth anniversary of Robin's death. Followed by the second of Billie and Vasco on February and March.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep, alone in the darkness, I still can see their dilated pupils and their shaking bodies while life was leaving them.

I want justice for Pip. Each time I see that monster out of my window, barking at Lolly, I just want him out of the picture. I know that everytime he barks, it's a painful shot to Christina which is already thinking of moving somewhere else. I'm thinking the same, actually. I'm not able to open my back door anymore unless I lock Lollipop upstairs.

But anyway.

Again, alone in the darkess with nobody to talk and share with, I'm here.

And my thought is for you, little white Angel. You trusted the world and the world betrayed you.

For you, Robin, Vasco, Billie, Spike and all the sweet good souls aren't with us anymore.

Stupidity.

Once I had a friend with a huge lack of intelligence. We were used to play RPGs and he created a character supposed to be intelligent.

I always told him that you can fake stupidity if you're smart, but never the opposite.

My granny (good soul, RIP) was used to say "you can't extract lemon juice from a turnip".

So, whenever I find myself back to the start, I don't have to blame stupid people but only myself on having high expectations from low brains.

Mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

If I continue to hit my head against the wall, I'll end up with an aneurysm, not just a headache...

Wishlist.

I've never been someone able to settle on some things, so... on the fly.

1st place: Canon EOS 700D, just about €675 but delivery is free ¬.¬°

2nd place: 2 bay SATA III NAS, €382 and you forget what losing data from HDDs means -.-°

3rd place: iPhone 5. 3 Apple computers inhere and I still miss this jewel. €679.

4th place: Red haired baby girl. Can't estimate maintenance costs, but I need a donor first for sure :P

Life in Heaven.

I'm ashamed of myself, really, deeply ashamed.

Five years on holiday here plus almost two of living and there are still places in this town not only I've never been before but also I didn't know they existed.

I try to justify myself for the holiday time, I was there with a gal that was pretty much a pain in the arse about health: once twas a cold, once fever, once sore knee or foot. Never spent so much on meds like that. And the other guy which was used to reach us was also used to move his huge arse from the seat of the car to the one in front of a pint and/or of a meal. Period.

Anyway.

Last week I decided to head out to the Wicklow Head, taking advantage of the good weather and such lovely day. Walking along the Dumbur Road, I stopped at a parking lot where I've been to before but only last Saturday I noticed a way down to a small beach, under the Wicklow Golf Club. Lovely!
Not talking about the Wicklow Head itself, a must to see if you get on these parts.

Yesterday, following the suggestions of my neighbour/friend Christina, instead, I went along the Murrough looking for an abandoned house for some photoshoots I have on mind. Well, I didn't reach the house because on the way I found another corner of paradise hidden behind the beach.

Both cases, on my findings, I felt like a child exploring new lands. Excited and amazed at the same time.

And day by day, I'm always happier about my moving here. I definitely live in the best side of the world.